worry

So...i worry...ALOT...those that know me know this all too well! lately the topic on my mind has been what to do when i graduate...what city will i work in?...what aspect of ministry do i want to be involved in?...all these questions floating around in my mind. its crazy to think that when i came here to HU i had every intention of going to grad school and becoming a therapist i was very goal minded and was going to stop at nothing till i achieved that goal. my friends and i even joke about it now how my life is so different from 4 years ago when i enrolled here as an eger psych student. God had different plans he made situations in my family difficult which brought me home for a summer with not knowing what to do so i knew i had a passion for poor people so i talked to a friend and got an interview at Christian Friendliness and was soon the intern for the childrens director there who can attest that all summer she told me i wasnt going to go to grad school i was going to be in urban ministry...i nodded politely and said well if thats what you think... i fought it all summer that still small voice saying you are made for this kinda thing. so all summer i fought it and she will tell you that! finally i had a breaking point with God at the end of that summer where i got on my knees and decided not to fight it anymore i was going to be open to what God had for me in this context. then i really opened my heart to the kids there and they are a part of my life now a very important part at that! they are a huge part of my prayer life and my thoughts i love them with my whole heart and we have a very special relationship they are my precious gifts from God no matter how they act or what they do!

what a change from 2 years previous with my goals of being a therapist and making money while helping people. what a different mindset i have about life and how things should be done. my mind has shifted from all about me not to completely other centered but more god has brought alot of selfishness out of me through my relationship with the kids. but i still worry! i know where God leads he will provide but i worry. i dont know why or anything i just know i worry alot! then a wise friend of mine told me worrying shows a lack of faith on my part and i need to worry about nothing but in everything by prayer and petition bring your requests to God...you know how the verse goes.

so...im still left with a decision a big decision i want where ever i go to be what God wants for me so i continue to think and pray about it! i know these are very random thoughts sorry for my scatter brain but thats how i work!