Priceless

Anthony means Priceless

this might not make much sense if you didnt read my last blog fyi :)

Sitting here at my desk today something i don't often do is sit at my desk i was working on a paper and listening to some music and i had it on a random mix i have and a song came on one that just made me break down...it is called "will you take me as i am" by lecrae this song was one that was played at the highest level in my car on the way to church many a sundays with the kids i take to church. i remember the very meaningful conversations we had about the lyrics

Will you take me as I am
I know the way I'm living is wrong
But I can't change on my own, trying to make it alone
I wonder, how could you love me when my life so ugly
But you came down and died for me

Anthony asked me very perplexed one day...."christina will God REALLY take me as i am cuz i know i dont always do the right thing?" i said "Yes anthony that is why jesus came to die for us so we could give god our lives the good and the bad" this was so comforting to me...the little boy that accepted christ in the back seat of my car was really starting to understand Gods love for him in little ways through a christian rap song.

back to tonight i was sitting here thinking about these kids that have become so much a part of my life i thought "i hate this feeling my heart is breaking for these kids it wasnt supposed to be like this it was supposed to be a summer internship i was supposed to go on with my life after" but then as i sit here and think they have become so much a part of my life...the thought that they are not "safe" or where i can travel home and see them and know they are physically ok kills me they are apart of me and i cant change that anymore... but i wouldnt change my relationship with these kids for the world they have completely changed me and my perception of life. I hope i have taught them as much as they have taught me!

i remember my first encounter with this family i couldnt stand the little girl she whined and cried and the boys were the "bad" kids it wasnt till i was at camp with them my first summer at cf the boys just totally stole my heart! i saw first hand the hurt they carry with them everywhere they go as anthony sat on the phone crying being called alot of names i would have never heard come out of either of my parents mouths i cried and then he stole my heart... my boy anthony...i knew sitting in that van as we almost took him home from camp i was gonna have to take them to church... my boy anthony and forever he will be its not a coincidence his name means "priceless" there couldnt be a better name for such an amazing boy who is only 10 but has to grow up so fast! he is priceless in so many ways! i love sitting in church with him even when he falls asleep on me because he was up late take care of his baby brother or just wants me to put my arm around him and hold him all the kids i work with at cf hold a special place in my heart but there is something about this family that they just stole my heart! and they helped me realize that my calling is inner city ministry...

i hope and pray that you all are safe! Dear God please keep them safe and protect them physically spiritually, mentally and emotionally. God help them to contact us in some way so i can know where they are and that they are safe!

In God's Hands

So...this last weekend had its ups and downs i got to hang out with some amazing people but my worst fear was also confirmed the kids i have been constantly working with for over a year have not be able to be contacted for a few weeks as my mom went to get them for church they were not there. through talking with people and kids there is a rumor floating around that they have moved back to chicago without a warning and without their mother. these kids have been the center of my prayers and thoughts for so long and i will do everything in my power to find out where they are...then my mom said something to me as i cried that they are in Gods hands and we have to trust him with them because they are his anyways and he loves them more than we could ever love them. Then on sunday the pastor at the church i went to talked about how we shouldnt worry about anything because we are in Gods hands! it was very confirming for me! i remembered how much i need to give things over to God and not worry about it because its not my battle to fight! Everyone keep praying for Anthony, Kell, Arianna, and Tamajay for their spiritual, mental, and physical safety!

random thoughts

As i sit and think about what God has taken my family through in the last couple years its amazing we have made it out so well!! God has continued to bless us through what was a terrible circumstance. if things had not had happened who knows if i would have found my love for urban ministry or met some of the worlds most amazing kids! i sometimes find myself becoming angry again and by the worlds standard i have every right to be angry but God wants a higher standard for us! i love that about God he expects so much more out of us! God has an interesting way of showing his face in hard circumstances even if its just a little bit of light. sometimes he shows us that you have to go through hell to see what he can really do. even in the toughest time of hurt and even anguish God has always taken care of us and shown his grace through my fathers integrity which is amazing! just some random thoughts i was thinking about today!